A Lizard Teaches Assertiveness
If passivity is putting the needs of others before your own and aggression is putting your needs before the needs of others, then assertiveness is the art of balancing the two. This is not easy, and we need all the help we can get. Fortunately, this is an area where your high scoring self-aspects, called Sangha members, can help. Here is an amusing example of how unique and creative help came for one student.
What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?
1. Taking on the sicknesses of others, particularly my family
2. Money! They see that I’m vulnerable
3. Interviews of secretaries next week!
Which life issue brings up the strongest feelings for you?
x
Taking on the sickness of my sister.
If those feelings had a color (or colors), what would it be?
Orange and green.
Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.
Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What?
The colors stay small in the corner – an orange and green lizard!
Lizard, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?
I’m orange and green because it hurts the eyes to look at me. I don’t want to be seen. Most others are enemies. Lisa likes lizards but I don’t trust anybody. We are very rare and they try to catch us.
It seems that your strategy for not getting caught gets you caught!
Yes! It’s crazy!
What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?
I’m fast. I like sun and hot stones! I’m a very special lizard. I’m a vegetarian lizard! I have under my right back foot a very poisonous gland!
What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?
I dislike that I’m too small. I want to have HUGE teeth! I have a soft belly. That’s not good! It makes me vulnerable!
Lizard, what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?
Her soft, vulnerable aspects and her ability to fight back pretty hard.
Lizard, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
I want to become as big as a medium sized crocodille! It’s good! I still have my colors. I’m still poisonous. I have these HUGE teeth and a very strong tail!
(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)
(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in each of the following six qualities: confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, inner peace, and witnessing? Why?
Confidence: 7
Compassion: 1.5
Wisdom: 8
Acceptance: 8 – me; others – 3
Inner Peace: 8.5
Witnessing: 9.5
Lizard, if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different? If so, how?
I don’t want to change. I don’t want to have tens! Ten means to be perfect, which is to be nice to people. I want to have good boundaries!
How would the life of the person who created you be different if she naturally scored the way you do in all six of these qualities all the time?
Bigger teeth, an armored belly, and no bad conscience if she is only thinking about herself. She is still be afraid of hurting people when they are not nice to her. She shouldn’t have a bad conscience about it!
If you could live Lisa’s life for her, how would you live it differently?
I would give her a little hit with my tail on her backside to kill her bad conscience. I would stop all this bullshit of bad feelings when she’s not nice to people. It’s such bullshit! She should become cooler when someone is fighting with her. She can fight back but it costs her a lot of energy in her conscience. I have a tail! I would kick all these not nice people with my tail, have fun, and not have a millimeter of bad conscience about it. In the worst cases I will use my BIG TEETH!!!
If you could live this person’s waking life for her today, would you handle her three life issues differently? If so, how?
1. Regarding taking on the sickness of her sister and her family, she needs to build an armor for her soft belly. A REAL armor. I have my scales. For me it’s not a problem, but I don’t know! If she did she would be much happier solving her own problems and won’t think she’s allowed to live only because she is helping others.
2. Regarding her money and her sense of vulnerability sensed by others, she’s right about this. She needs the armor, but it’s not such a big problem. She can imagine me with my tail giving these people a good whack!
3. Regarding her interviews with the secretaries, she has a bad conscience about kicking people out. I understand because she really wants to go to Bimini. I would do an interview and set up an appointment for two days of work. To be very straight and clear with them. I’m an employer! I have to take care for myself.
What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of her life?
1. The armor. It’s the most important thing in her life. The others will follow!
In what life situations would it be most beneficial for this person to imagine that they are you and act as you would?
Besides interviewing and with parents, she needs to become me and Frau Henning (another self-aspect) who is a little arrogant. If she becomes us she can deal with mean parents, nasty midwives, and other ugly people. For really bad people, she can just be ME!
Why do you think that you are in this person’s life?
To show her that she needs to have a “WHACK WHACK” tail and to use it without a bad conscience, and that it is good for her to use it!
How is this person most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?
She won’t ignore me! She just needs a little more development of armor.
What would you recommend that they do about that?
For the beginning she can borrow my suit of scales until she figures out how to have her own armor.
What have you heard yourself say?
Stop with the bad conscience! Give unfriendly people a double whack! Don’t be afraid of what’s coming back. My alligator recommended armor. He gave me an impermanent armor of his back for the beginning. I should imagine being him when I am talking to unfriendly people. In case of emergencies I am allowed to bite! - Without having a bad conscience!
If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?
Stop with the bad conscience immediately – NOW! Don’t feel bad when you’re angry! Take the defense a little bit lighter with more play – not so seriously. It’s not war or life-threatening. It’s a dominance display!
Comments
Ani Lyne (Nov 25, 2009)
Hi Joe:
Wow, what a powerful interview with a very powerful part of Lisa. We can all learn from her lizard as so many of us work at balancing being kind with others and being kind with ourselves. As always your Integral deeplistening tools are wonderful.