A Black Woman’s Come On


A Black Woman’s Come-on


A good-looking black woman is next to me on a bed, wanting me to lie down with her and have sex.  I’m not very interested.



Preference Predictions

Most Accepting Character:  Black Woman

Least Accepting Character: Dream Self

Most Preferred Character: Bed

Most Rejected Character: Black Woman

Most Preferred Action:  close

Most Rejected Action:  wants sex

Most Preferred Feeling:  not interested

Most Rejected Feeling: attractive



Sociomatrix Commentary

Dream Self:  I am being wooed by new forces.  I am not responding.  Maybe I see sex as inappropriate, like sex with a black woman.  Then again, there could be some taboo about approaching the spiritual forces encountered in mediation.

Black Woman:  I am the  seductive  side of Dream Self’s creative energy, but different, foreign.  My difference helps him discriminate when sex is appropriate or not.  He tends not to discriminate among white women in his dreams.  I can and will teach him, but not about sexuality.  I will teach him how to make peace with and redirect those energies, if he will listen.  Good.  He passed this discrimination.  Now I will try again later.

Bed:  Dream Self relies on me too much for transitory pleasure and tension release.  There are better motives, better things to be involved with at present.

Comment:   Dream Self is least nurturing/accepting.

 Dream Commentary

If you could change this dream in any way that you wanted, as long as it respected the rights of all fellow dream group members, how would you change it? 

Black Woman   Let’s go to a holy roller church and get inspired!

Bed   I’d rather not be in this dream.  Be outside or in church.

Dream Self   OK


I’m in a holy roller church.  A black woman I’ve seen before somewhere is in a gospel choir up front.  Everyone is going wild.  We’re all singing and having a great time.

Waking Commentary

     If you were this dreamer and were dealing with his waking issues – money, relationships, fears, career choices, physical health ,and spiritual development – would you do anything differently?  If so, what? 

Black Woman:  Be enthusiastic, energized, free.  You don’t have to perceive that energy as sexual.

Bed:   Ditto.

Dream Self: It seems that when I am horny I need to look for other creative ways of perceiving and expressing that energy.  Freud would call it sublimation.  It feels more like discriminating optional responses.

Action Plan

read over dreamage

Actual Preferences

Most Accepting Character:  Black Woman

Least Accepting Character:  Dream Self

Most Preferred Character:  Black Woman

Most Rejected Character:  Bed

Most Preferred Action:  none

Most Rejected Action:  close, wants sex

Most Preferred Feeling:  not interested

Most Rejected Feeling:  none

3 of 8: I’m pretty unaware of this life issue.

Sociogram Commentary

The unknown, different seducer is the most nurturing and most preferred dream group member.  At the same time, not being physically interested in returning her come-on is most preferred.  Very interesting!  On top of that, wanting sex and being close are rejected actions.  So the group seems to prefer emotional and behavioral distance, yet prefers the object which creates the distance!  Dream Self is critical and Bed is not accepted.

On the acceptance axis, Dream Self is not sure what to make of Black Woman.  He is aware that sex is inappropriate yet this woman is attractive.  So there is a basic internal conflict within Dream Self and a bipolarity between Dream Self and Black Woman.  She is considerably more nurturing and accepting than he is.  To trust her in the dream would be to go ahead and have sex with her.   Who am I to trust?   What am I to trust?  Basic existential questions!

On the form axis, Bed is not preferred, which implies that sex is not what this dream group is primarily interested in.   Black Woman may be viewed by the group as a dream self surrogate; there are not enough characters to tell.  But it is clear that Dream Self is not rejected by the group, but preferred almost as much as is Black Woman.

The process axis emphasizes the behavioral conflict between approach and avoidance – which behavior is best?  One set of values says, “Stay away.  Be appropriate.”  The other says, “Merge with new potentials, new possibilities that you attract to yourself.”   Dream Self distrusts his judgment to make a healthy decision.

On the affect axis it is interesting that both Not Interested and Attractive are preferred feelings.  Black Woman prefers Not Interested a lot, just as does Dream Self, yet she seems to want him to have sex.   The implication is that I misperceive what she really wants from me.

The basic conflict in this dream group involves behavior (conflict on the process axis) and what is the most accepting stance to take toward oneself (Dream Self’s near conflict on the acceptance axis) regarding sex and, more fundamentally, spontaneous creativity.




Leave a Comment

For more information, contact joseph.dillard@gmail.com. While IDL does not accept advertising or sponsored postings, we gratefully accept donations of your time, expertise, or financial support.