Self-hatred leads to anxiety, depression, and addiction. In this case, the addiction is chronic emotional dependence. How to break the cycle? When we listen to the source of our pain we discover a place within us that is not anxious, depressed, or addicted. The more we listen, the more it grows. The more it grows, the more we outgrow our anxiety, depression, addiction and, most importantly, our self-hatred. This interview is a first step in that direction.
What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?
1. Post-breakup emotions
2. Developing independence
3. Anger/Mood swings
Share a dream…
a few weeks ago, i dreamt that i discovered worms inside of the veins of my arms. i tore open my skin with my fingernails and pulled out several worms of varying lengths. the underlying fear began building as i realized that there must be many more such creatures in my body at large.
Why do you think that you had this dream?
Maybe because I have a fear of something inside of me that is invasive and that I can’t control. (Side note: Donnie, my now ex-boyfriend, was in the bathtub with me)
If it were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee?
“Invasion of the Tape Worm Aliens”
These are the characters in the dream…
You, worms, veins, arms, skin, fingernails
If one character had something especially important to tell you, which would it be?
The worms!
Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor? It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are this or that character in your dream and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind. If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering – that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!
Worms, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?
We are happy to be here, inside of Jesse, and are very much enjoying consuming and controlling him.
Worms, what do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?
Well, we really like the fact that we’re able to inhabit other creatures and take them over. We work very well as a team, and we are generally good at remaining innocuous. Also, we have an uncanny ability to not die.
What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?
It’s kind of a drag not to have hands, and also to not really be able to find an identity all our own without having someone to host us.
Worms you are in this person’s life experience, correct? They created you, right?_____ Worms, what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?
We represent that which lies beneath the surface which is dishonest, corrupting, and difficult to discover and remove. We represent the part of Jesse that he hates/fears and is disgusted by.
Worms, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
No. We feel very fortunate to have Jesse as a host.
(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)
(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing? Why?
Confidence:10
Compassion:0
Wisdom:10
Acceptance:8
Inner Peace:10
Witnessing:?10
(Character,) if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different? If so, how?
No.
How would the life of the person who created you be different if he/she naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?
He probably wouldn’t hate us so much, or himself. He also probably wouldn’t need to be doing this exercise.
If you could live the life of the person who created you for him/her, how would you live it differently?
We’re already living it for him, and are causing him all sorts of lovely problems.
If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle his/her three life issues differently? If so, how?
1. We would simply forget all about Donnie
2. It doesn’t seem necessary to be independent. All things are connected anyway, right?
3. We would stop trying to supress the emotions, and just express everything fully all the time.
What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his/her life?
1. How to get control of other people
2. Feeding
3. Staying unnoticed
In what life situations would it be most beneficial for this person to imagine that they are you and act as you would?
When he realizes what a parasite he is on himself and others.
Why do you think that you are in this person’s life?
Because he is afraid of what is beneath the surface. Afraid he’s out of control. Afraid that he’s something he doesn’t want to be.
How is this person most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?
By writing this exercise off as silly and unproductive.
What would you recommend that they do about that?
Swallow pride.
If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?
There’s a lot going on in there that needs to be taken care of. If not, there are big consequences.
Notice that these worms had some pretty practical recommendations. They would forget about Donnie, the x-boyfriend, that the dreamer remains emotionally addicted to. They would move beyond dependence and independence to interdependence. They would not suppress emotions.
