Nov 3 2016

This is the type of dream that makes you want to give up dreaming. Either you dismiss it as awful junk or else fear that it reflects your dark, degenerate underbelly that you long ago thought you had outgrown. But there it is, in full embarrassing, shameful sight.

But is that an accurate conclusion? Is our perception of our dreams and the conclusions that we draw, both within them while dreaming and then afterward, when we remember a dream, likely to be accurate? IDL interviewing provides concrete ways to test our assumptions about our dreams against perspectives provided by other invested characters in the dream. What do they think the dream is about? Why do they think you had it? As in this instance, the answers may not only be surprising, they may succeed in changing fundamental assumptions you have about dreams and dreaming.

Dream Narrative

I am laying on the floor of some building, perhaps a hospital, being kissed by some little girl – a child. It’s sexual! She’s sticking her tongue in my mouth! I’m horrified!

My associations to this dream are…

Yuck! I don’t remember ever having such a dream! Have I ever been attracted to little girls or boys? No! Have I ever had sexual encounters with either? No! And I haven’t ever wanted to! So, why would I have such a dream? Well, I can think of only one motive, based on past nightmares – the motivation to be shocked so as to remember a dream! But if that is the case here, there really isn’t any perspective or anything to be shocked into noticing.  Therefore, it could either simply be a response to the presleep suggestion to remember my dreams and getting something so shocking that I would, or else there is some perspective hidden in it that I do not recognize!

This is a good example of why people don’t like to remember or look at their dreams!

Three fundamental life issues

• Clarity in consciousness in generally, particularly while meditating

• Building IDL community

• Improving respectful interaction in dreams and recall


Most preferring: girl

Most rejecting: DS

Most preferred character: DS

Most rejected character: girl

Most preferred action: stopping

Most rejected action: sticking (her tongue in my mouth)

Most preferred feeling: Nurturance

Most rejected feeling: Horrified


Dream Sociomatrix Commentary

“The reason I like, like (a lot, love, dislike, dislike a lot, hate, don’t care about, or am accepting toward) (dream element) is…”  “What I liked/disliked most about being in this dream is…”

Dream Self: I don’t like myself at all in this dream because I am in a very compromising situation with this young girl. It’s not healthy! Lying on a cold floor in a hallway in a public building is cold, awkward and anything but private! If it is indeed a hospital this is certainly not what haspitals are for! It’s the antithesis! I like this girl but I don’t like how she is acting toward me! Where did she learn this?? A light peck of a kiss on the lips in the course of play or hugging is no problem, but it turned into much more than that! I hate the feeling of horror but I like it in that it is an appropriate wake up call to tell me something is really wrong! I like a lot that I stop because I am the adult and I exert control over an out of control, embarrassing and borderline abusive situation.

What I like most about being in this dream is nothing!

What I dislike most about being in this dream is having feelings of healthy nurturance turn into ones of awkwardness, shame and guilt at pedophilia!

Girl: I like Joseph a lot! He is a great guy! He’s kind, generous, fun and I can count on him to help me if I need something! I love him! I have no problem being on the floor! We’re playing! I like myself! I like kissing him to show him I love and appeciate him! And I like feeling hugged and nurtured. I’m glad he does too! Yes, this is a hospital. I am not sure what either one of us are doing here, but it is a place of healing. I think he works here. I don’t feel like I am a patient. I think I must be visiting. I am sticking my tongue in his mouth to tease him! I am imitating what I have been told adults do to show affection! I am being playful! I don’t seem to care that he is horrified or that we stop. What I like most about being in this dream is being nurturing and playful! What I dislike most about being in this dream is nothing!

Hospital: I like Joseph. He cares and wants to help. He knows a lot about healing. He belongs in me. Lying on the floor in me is crazy, even if it is being playful with a child. I don’t really care though. It doesn’t bother me or affect me one way or another. It would probably shock other people, but there aren’t any other people in this dream. I like this little girl too. She is a playful, frisky, mischevious little thing! I don’t really care that she sticks her tongue in his mouth, that Joseph feels horrified and stops. I am not ethical or moral or unethical or immoral; I am more of an objective witness to events. What I like most about being in this dream is that I get to be a place of helping people in need. What I dislike most about being in this dream is nothing.

Floor: I feel pretty much like hospital, since I am a part of it, though I am even more indifferent. What I like most about being in this dream is providing a setting for Joseph to wake up. What I dislike most about being in this dream is nothing

Tongue: I like Joseph and this girl and I like being playful! I don’t care much about anything else. What I like most about being in this dream is shocking Joseph! What I dislike most about being in this dream is nothing.

Dream Consciousness: I like these characters in my dream and I think what happens is pretty funny! I really like how shocked Joseph gets!  What I like most about being in this dream is waking Joseph up at the end so he would remember it! What I dislike most about being in this dream is nothing!

What surprises me about what I’ve heard is… 

That what horrifies me doesn’t horrify anyone else and that they mostly are interested in me waking up and remembering this dream, not what actually is happening in it.

Dream Commentary

“If I could change this dream in any way, would I change it?  If so, how?”

Girl: I would like to be able to say to you, “What do I need to do to get you to wake up and remember this dream?” and for it to work!

Floor: It’s fine with me the way it is! It’s served its purpose!

Hospital: I agree with Floor.

Tongue: Well, I enjoyed shocking Joseph, so I wouldn’t change it!

Dream consciousness: Hmmmm…If Joseph knew he was dreaming while he was having this dream it still would not guarantee that he would remember it. So I think it is necessary. Therefore, I wouldn’t change it.

Dream Self: Hmmmm….Clearly these characters aren’t concerned about the ethical implications like I am. It’s almost like they knew I would be concerned about them and used that as a strategy to shock me into remembering! The Freudians would either call this rampant repression and rationalization or just be terribly dissatisfied!


(A rewrite of the dream based on a consensus of dream group member recommendations.  If there is no consensus, there can be no dreamage.  A synthesis group dream is usually its own dreamage.  Read it over before sleep as an affirmation of a higher pattern of internal integration and healing.)

No dreamage is possible because there is no agreement, although I like the girl’s suggestion a lot.

Dream Summary Commentary

(“What part of this dreamer do you most closely personify?

 “My strengths are… 

 “The reason why I am in this dream is…” 

 “This dream group came together to…”)

Girl: I most closely personify Joseph’s playful and nurturing self. He most closely personifies my socially conditioned and scripted, analytic and objectifying older self. My strengths are my spontaneity and my freedom from normal socio-cultural constraints. The reason why I am in this dream is to wake Joseph up! This dream group came together to wake Joseph up!

Floor: I most closely personify support. Joseph most closely personifies growth and service in the world. My strengths are my solidity. You can have confidence in me. The reason why I am in this dream is as a prop, to add support and context, but a non-sexual and public one. This dream group came together to wake Joseph up!

Hospital: I most closely personify healing and service.  Joseph most closely personifies healing and service in the world. My strengths are the many ways and avenues that I make healing possible. The reason why I am in this dream is to provide a healing context for events Joseph views as horrifying. This dream group came together to wake Joseph up!

Tongue: I most closely personify the ability to be shockingly invasive. Joseph most closely personifies a kind, friendly but unaware perspective I want to wake up! My strengths are multiple. I am great for talking, eating, singing, making crazy noises, tasting and being silly, like I am in this dream! The reason why I am in this dream is to shock Joseph awake! This dream group came together wake Joseph up!

Dream consciousness: I most closely personify the context that contains all of these dream elements. Joseph most closely personifies my expression in the macrocosm, the “external” world. My strengths are my boundless creativity! The reason why I created this dream is to wake him up.  This dream group came together to wake Joseph up!

Waking Commentary

As (this dream group member), if I were living this dreamer’s waking life, how would I live it differently? Would I handle this dreamer’s three life issues differently?  If so, how?

• Clarity in consciousness in generally, particularly while meditating

• Building IDL community

• Improving respectful interaction in dreams and recall

Girl: I would have him continue like he is; he is slowly waking up!

Floor: Same.

Hospital: Same. He is doing good!

Tongue: Same! He woke up!

Dream Consciousness: Yes. He is doing what he knows to do.

Identification Commentary

If I could designate specific occasions in the dreamer’s waking life when I would recommend that he imagine that he is me, what would those occasions be?  

Girl: I am a playful, nurturing part of Joseph that doesn’t care about what others think! Be me when you want to be spontaneous!

Floor: I am good when you want to ignore socio-cultural scripting.

Hospital: I am useful for amplifying your sense of helpfulness and nurturing.

Tongue: I am like the Girl and Floor. I am good for being spontaneous and ignoring rules!

Dream consciousness: I provide objectivity and creativity. So I am good for evoking clarity, lucidity and listening.

Action Plan

(All of the above recommendations for waking life application are not of equal importance.  You have to decide how you wish to prioritize them and what you want to do with them.  But take some action!  It is a way of demonstrating that you take your inner direction seriously.  If you have it wrong, future dream groups will cybernetically correct your course.) 

  • Become the above characters in the coresponding circumstances as recommended.


Sociogram Commentary

Overall Pattern: This is another oppositional pattern in which everybody approves of what is going on except for Dream Self.

Acceptance Axis: All choosers are strongly positive except Floor, which cares not at all, and Dream Self, who is strongly negative.

Form Axis: All characters prefer one another; no one is rejected. Dream Self is most preferred by the group, along with Girl and Hospital. What this tells you is that the rejecting perspective of Dream Self toward the group is not reciprocated by it.

Process Axis: Everybody approves of the actions in this dream or are neutral except Dream Self, who likes “stopping” a lot but no one else cares!

Affect Axis: Even the feeling of “horrified” is preferred by this group as a whole. The fact that Dream Self likes it along with hating the feeling, implies he is waking up and recognizing that just because he hates something that it is not necessarily bad.

Dream Group Dynamics Commentary

(In which the various dream group members are provided with an opportunity to express their thoughts on their relationships with their fellow dream group members.)

Girl: I am very pleased with this group! We got Joseph to wake up and pay attention!

Floor: While I am mostly neutral because that is my function, I would also say that our group was successful.

Hospital: Waking up and broadening one’s perspective to see the broader picture is highly therapeutic, and that is what is happening here, so I too am pleased.

Tongue: That was fun!

Dream Consciousness: It is nice to have one of my creations listened to and respected for a change!



Most preferring: Girl √

Most rejecting: DS √

Most preferred character: Girl, DS, Hospital √

Most rejected character: DS

Most preferred action: kissed

Most rejected action: lying

Most preferred feeling: nurturance √

Most rejected feeling: horrified √

5 of 8 – not bad.

“What I am saying to myself is…”

Statements from elaborations are rewritten here as “I” statements.

I am not ethical or moral or unethical or immoral

I really like how I shock/horrify myself!

What horrifies me doesn’t horrify anyone else. Others are mostly interested in me waking up rather than focusing on the specifics of life drama.

I would like to be able to say to myself, “What do I need to do to get myself to wake up and remember?” and for it to work!

Part of the function of the dream was to support and context in a non-sexual and public way.

Another function was to provide a healing context for events I view as horrifying.

There is a role for being shockingly invasive when enlisted to the cause of clarity, lucidity enlightenment.

There exist playful, nurturing perspectives that I have access to that doesn’t care about what others think! I can become them when I want to be spontaneous.

Other perspectives are good for ignoring socio-cultural scripting, for being spontaneous and ignoring rules.

Some of the basic issues addressed by this dream group are:  

• How trustworthy is my waking point of view or perspective? Not very!

• If I want to wake up I have to be willing to expand it, to see a bigger picture provided by perspectives that personify elements of expanded, relevant and authenic contexts.

• Even horror can be legitimately used in the cause of waking oneself up. (This is a dangerous proposition. That is why it includes oneself. As soon as you put yourself into the role of enlightened awakener you probably have also made yourself into the persecutor in the Drama Triangle. Notice that all of these characters deny being in the role of persecutor, nor do they see DS as a victim.

• Every reader must decide for themselves whether this is a gloss over unrecognized issues of pedophilia and sexual dysfunctionality or what the characters say it is. There is nothing about IDL or Dream Sociometry that says that you must trust what interviewed characters say. Everyone has to evaluate the process for themselves and draw their own conclusions. That is best done with at least some self-interviews.

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