What If Your Bad Dream Could Talk?
Have you ever had a scary dream?
Maybe a monster was chasing you.
Maybe you were falling.
Maybe you were lost and could not find your mom or dad.
Maybe something big and scary was coming toward you, and your legs would not run fast enough.
Then you woke up.
Your heart was beating fast.
Maybe you pulled the blanket over your head. Maybe you called for someone. Maybe you were afraid to go back to sleep.
Or maybe something scary happens when you are awake.
Perhaps someone at school calls you names.
Maybe another child says, “You can’t play with us.”
Maybe someone laughs at you.
Or maybe a grown-up yells very loudly, and you wish you could disappear into your room.
When things like this happen, you may feel scared, angry, sad, or very small.
What can you do?
Here is one thing we can try.
First, You Tell Me What Happened
We start with you.
You can tell me about your bad dream.
Or you can tell me about something that happened at home or at school.
You do not have to tell me everything.
You can say, “I don’t want to talk about that.”
That is okay.
You can also draw me a picture.
Maybe you draw the monster from your dream.
Maybe you draw the boy who keeps teasing you.
Maybe you draw yourself hiding in your bedroom when someone is yelling.
Maybe you do not want to draw any of those things. You could draw how the scary feeling feels instead.
Does it look like a big black cloud?
A red fireball?
A tiny mouse?
A volcano?
A storm?
There is no right answer.
It is your picture.
How Big Is the Feeling?
I might ask you:
“How bad does this feel?”
You could show me with your hands.
“This bad.”
Or we could use numbers.
0 means, “It does not bother me.”
10 means, “It bothers me a whole, whole lot.”
Maybe your nightmare is a 9.
Maybe being teased is an 8.
Maybe hearing someone yell is a 10.
There is no wrong number.
It is your feeling, so you get to tell me.
Now We Do Something Funny
Let’s say you dreamed about a big, scary wolf.
The wolf chased you through the woods.
You ran and ran.
You woke up just before it caught you.
I could ask you:
“What was the wolf like?”
You might say:
“BIG!”
“What color was it?”
“Black.”
“What was its face like?”
“It had huge teeth!”
Then I might ask a very funny question.
“Would you like to pretend to be the wolf?”
You might say:
“No way!”
That is okay.
Or you might laugh and say:
“Okay!”
You do not really become a wolf.
You are still you.
We are just pretending.
It is like pretending to be a dinosaur, a princess, a dragon, a dog, or a superhero.
For a little while, you get to play the wolf.
Now the Wolf Gets to Talk
I might ask:
“Wolf, what are you doing?”
And you might growl:
“I’m chasing that kid!”
“Why?”
“Because he keeps running away!”
“What do you want?”
“I want him to STOP!”
“What will you do if he stops?”
Maybe you say:
“I’ll eat him!”
That is okay to say.
We are pretending.
Or maybe you say:
“I don’t know.”
Or maybe something surprising happens.
Maybe the wolf says:
“I just want him to turn around and look at me.”
I do not tell the wolf what to say.
You get to find out what the wolf says.
You Can Be the Scary Thing Without Becoming Bad
This is important.
If you pretend to be a monster, it does not make you a monster.
If you pretend to be an angry dragon, it does not make you bad.
If the wolf says something mean, it does not mean you are mean.
We are playing a pretend game to see what happens.
Maybe the scary wolf feels strong.
Maybe the monster is not afraid of anything.
Maybe the dragon can say “NO!” very loudly.
Maybe you discover that the scary thing in your dream can do something that is hard for you to do.
We can wonder about that.
We do not have to believe everything it says.
What Does the Wolf Think About You?
Now I might ask:
“Wolf, what do you think about the child you are chasing?”
Maybe the wolf says:
“He is too scared.”
I could ask:
“What is he scared of?”
“Everything!”
“What should he do?”
“STOP RUNNING!”
Then I might ask:
“What would happen if he stopped?”
Perhaps the wolf says:
“I would stop too.”
That is interesting.
We do not know if it is right.
We are just listening.
Sometimes pretend characters say smart things.
Sometimes they say silly things.
Sometimes they say things that are not helpful at all.
That is okay.
Then You Get to Be You Again
After a while I say:
“Okay. You don’t have to be the wolf anymore.”
And you become you again.
You were always really you.
Now we can talk about what happened.
“What was it like being the wolf?”
Maybe you say:
“Fun!”
Or:
“Weird.”
Or:
“I didn’t like it.”
Or:
“I liked being big.”
I might ask:
“Would you like to have a little bit of the wolf’s bravery when you need it?”
Maybe you say yes.
Maybe you say no.
You get to choose.
What If Someone Is Teasing You?
You do not need a dream to play this game.
Suppose a child at school keeps calling you a baby.
You hate it.
You feel a tight, hot feeling in your tummy.
I might ask:
“If that hot feeling could be anything, what would it be?”
You say:
“A fire-breathing dragon!”
“Okay. Would you like to pretend to be the dragon?”
You become the dragon.
I ask:
“Dragon, why are you here?”
You say:
“Because I want him to STOP!”
“What would you like the child to do?”
“Tell that kid to leave him alone!”
Now we have an idea.
When you become yourself again, we can ask:
“Could you really do that?”
Maybe you could say:
“Stop. I don’t like that.”
We could practice it together.
You can be you.
I can pretend to be the child teasing you.
You say:
“Stop. I don’t like that.”
Maybe you want to try again with a louder voice.
“STOP. I DON’T LIKE THAT.”
Good.
But what if the other child does not stop?
Then you do not have to keep fighting with them.
You can go to a teacher, your parent, or another grown-up you trust.
Getting help is not being weak.
Sometimes getting help is the bravest thing to do.
What If a Grown-Up Is Yelling?
Suppose someone at home is yelling.
You feel scared.
Maybe you think:
“I have to make them stop.”
Or:
“Maybe they are yelling because I am bad.”
But a grown-up’s yelling is not something a little kid has to fix.
We can still talk about your feeling.
“Where do you feel the scared feeling?”
“In my tummy.”
“What does it look like?”
“A tiny rabbit.”
“Would you like to be the rabbit?”
Maybe you curl up like a little rabbit.
I ask:
“Rabbit, what do you want?”
The rabbit says:
“I want somewhere quiet.”
“What would help?”
“I want to go to my room.”
“What else?”
“I want Grandma.”
Now the rabbit has helped us notice something important.
Maybe you need a quiet place.
Maybe you need someone safe to sit with you.
Maybe you need to tell a grown-up you trust what is happening.
The rabbit does not have to stop the yelling.
And neither do you.
If a grown-up frightens you, hurts you, threatens you, or makes you feel unsafe, it is important to tell another grown-up you trust.
You do not have to solve a grown-up problem all by yourself.
What If the Monster Has a Bad Idea?
Pretend the monster says:
“Hit that kid!”
Do you have to do it?
No.
The monster is allowed to have an idea.
You are allowed to say:
“No. I’m not doing that.”
Maybe we can ask the monster:
“What are you trying to do?”
It says:
“I want him to stop teasing her!”
Okay.
Wanting the teasing to stop makes sense.
But hitting might make things worse.
So we can look for another idea.
Maybe:
“Tell him to stop.”
“Walk away.”
“Stay near my friends.”
“Tell the teacher.”
“Tell Dad.”
Now we have some things we can try that do not hurt anyone.
We Try One Little Thing
You do not have to change your whole life.
We choose one little thing.
Maybe tonight, if you get scared after your nightmare, you will remember the big wolf standing beside you instead of chasing you.
Maybe tomorrow, if someone teases you, you will say:
“Stop. I don’t like that.”
Maybe you will tell your teacher what has been happening.
Maybe when people are yelling, you will go to your safe place and find the grown-up you trust.
Then we see what happens.
Did it help?
A little?
A lot?
Not at all?
That is okay.
If it did not help, we can try something else.
You Can Draw What Changed
Remember the scary wolf?
At first you might draw this:
A little you.
A HUGE wolf.
Big teeth.
Dark woods.
You running away.
After the interview, maybe you want to draw the dream again.
But this time you draw yourself standing still.
The wolf is beside you.
Or maybe the wolf is still scary.
That is okay too.
You do not have to make the picture happy.
Your picture belongs to you.
Then We Check Again
Remember when your nightmare was a 9?
I might ask:
“What number is it now?”
Maybe you say 5.
Maybe you say 8.
Maybe you still say 9.
All of those answers are okay.
We are not trying to get a good score.
We are trying to find out what helps you.
And we can check again later.
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe next week.
Because something that helps for five minutes is nice.
Something that keeps helping you is even better.
You Can Listen Without Doing Everything You Hear
Your dream can have ideas.
Your monster can have ideas.
Your angry feeling can have ideas.
Your parents have ideas.
Your teachers have ideas.
Your friends have ideas.
And you have ideas.
You can listen to them.
But you do not have to do everything they say.
We can ask:
“Is it safe?”
“Is it kind to me?”
“Does it hurt somebody?”
“Could I try it?”
“Did it help?”
Those questions help us choose.
And Then You Come Back to Being You
At the end of our game, you stop being the wolf.
You stop being the dragon.
You stop being the little rabbit.
You are you again.
Maybe you learned something.
Maybe you learned that your monster is not as scary when you become it.
Maybe you found a strong voice that can say:
“Stop.”
Maybe your little rabbit helped you remember that you can find someone safe.
Maybe you discovered that your scary dream can change.
Or maybe nothing much happened.
That is okay too.
We can try again another time.
The wolf does not know everything.
The dragon does not know everything.
I do not know everything.
And you do not have to know everything either.
We are finding out together.
We listen.
We pretend.
We see what happens.
We try one safe little thing.
Then we see if it helps.
And whatever you pretended to be, you always get to come back to being you.