A Black Hole of Helplessness Becomes an Ally

Do you ever feel helpless? Do jerks make you angry? Discover, as Josefine did, that you have the help you need inside yourself!

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

Which issue brings up the strongest feelings for you?

A lifetime of feeling helpless; getting to angry to defend against it.

If those feelings had a color (or colors), what would it be?


Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.

Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What?

It’s a black hole.

Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor?  It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the shape that took form from your color and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind.  If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering – that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!

Black Hole, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?

I’m a black hole in space.  I suck in energy, like a vacuum cleaner.

What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?

My power.  I can suck in every type of energy from Josefine, even good kinds. And let her stay feeling bad.  That means I have a lot of good energy to eat.  I’ve had a good meal.  I’m very beautiful.  The black, whirling, sucking in…Isn’t it beautiful?

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses?  What are they?


(Character), you are in this person’s life experience, correct?  They created you, right?_____   What aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?

I’m the young Josefine, the Marion part.  She didn’t feel so well.  She felt very angry and helpless.

Black Hole, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change?  If so, how?


(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)

(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in each of the following six qualities: confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, inner peace, and witnessing?  Why?

Confidence: 10 I get my needs met.  Nothing bothers me.

Compassion:   0 A minus 500! It’s crappy bullshit!

Wisdom:   8

Acceptance: 10 I’ll eat anything and I’m something very special.

Inner Peace:   9

Witnessing: 10

Black Hole, if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different?  If so, how?

This compassion thing I don’t like.  I don’t want to have it!  I don’t need it!  I’m perfect!

How would Josefine’s life be different if she naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?

She would be more powerful…She would be powerful in a way that other people wouldn’t even try to hurt her because she would have a sense about her where other people think twice before they try to hurt you.   She wouldn’t feel guilty.

Do you never have a bad hair day?

No!  I’m perfect!

Do you ever have a melt down?


If Josefine were like you would she ever have a bad hair day or melt down?

No!  She would be able to kick the right ass at the right time with the right energy!

Would she feel helpless if she felt like you, Black Hole?

No!  She would be calm in a way. These assholes wouldn’t be able to hurt her.  She would have a kind of armor where the bad things come and bounce off.

If you could live Josefine’s life for her, how would you live it differently?

Less tears.  More self-confident.  Ass-kicking at the right time.  Let the minor stuff bounce off.

How is it that you came out of Josefine’s feelings of powerlessness and helplessness but you are neither?

Maybe she fed me enough?  Maybe I’m the opposite of helpless.  I’m powerful!

It’s interesting that she moved toward what she feared, her feelings of helplessness and became its opposite- powerful.

Maybe we can work together.  She can give me the energy of ugly people and I’ll teach her to kick asses.

How would her life be different if she had been doing that instead of feeding you her energy?

I would be a lot larger and she wouldn’t have been hurt as much.  She would be calmer and more confident.  She would have more dignity.

If you could live Josefine’s waking life for her today, would you handle Josefine’s feelings of helplessness?

She would make the decision not to let people hurt her and to ask, “Do I want to let jerks get me angry or not?”  She can learn from me not to react to that sort of person or to react in the right sort of way….

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of Josefine’s life?

1. To make better decisions: “Will I become angry or not?”

2. She is headed in the right direction with having fun.

3. This dignity part will help her to find a good partnership.  Not to beg for anything or be needy.  “Here I am.  We are on the same level.  Now let’s see.”

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Josefine to imagine that she is you and act as you would?

In big anger situations. Let me suck in that energy.  She can then stay calm that makes them crazy!  The little angers the tornado can take care of…

Black Hole, do you do drama?  If not, why not?

I think I do drama a little bit.  I like to make angry people crazy.  It’s a lot of energy for me!

Why do you think that you are in Josefine’s life?

Because she needs me.  It’s not fun to be helpless.  She need s the support.

How is this person most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?

Sometimes it’s difficult for her to remember, when she gets stuck in anger or helplessness to remember me.

What would you recommend that they do about that?

She should have a Black Hole remembering card sitting next to the telephone, in her address book. She should have one running through her computer: “Remember the black hole!”

Josefine, what have you heard yourself say?

The black hole wants to be fed by me with the energy of jerks.  I’ll get dignity, less helplessness, more calmness…Powerful in a calm way…The way I want to deal with other people.  Not helpless, not needy.  Upright, with dignity, with power.  I like this feeling!    I feel protected!

If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?

Don’t be three years old and feel helpless.  You are a grown-up and you have a choice.

Tornado, what do you think about the black hole?

It’s a little scary.  He’s so much bigger than I am!

Black Hole:  I don’t want to eat the tornado.  Jerk’s energy tastes much better!

Notice that spirit manifests in a form that addresses the needs of the particular individual at a specific time and situation.  Black Hole was not tens in all six qualities. It said it was “-500” in compassion! Does this mean it is not spiritual?  This dreamer was made to feel bad and wrong if she did not do for her parents and what she “should” or “ought” to do.  Until she builds trust in herself she will experience giving to others as manipulative and superficial.  Instead of forcing people to think that in order to be “spiritual” they must score tens in all six core qualities, IDL helps them to see that to score high in acceptance means that they are where they need to be even when they have low scores.
Also notice how a single interview can change a lifelong association of helplessness with fear into something positive and constructive.  How would Josefine’s life have been different if she had this interview when she was ten?

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