The following is an excerpt from a student interview with “Cheryl” that describes how the interviewing process is helping her recognize and escape toxic drama.
Cheryl: “The information that I got on the six core qualities is what today’s focus is! What is the most remarkable thing for me is what I realize about myself. Because I was the Flower, things came through that I just wasn’t aware of. That’s just great!”
How have you been using your interview and your Flower?
A big thing has just been stepping back. My personality is in some ways starting to come unglued from drama. I am recognizing it quickly so I can just step out of it and into what’s actually going on. That recognition time is much quicker!
Could you give me an example?
My husband and I were home together Sunday. He was working on his computer and I went over help him – I thought – do something with his pictures. I was thinking it would be faster for him. We started getting into a quarrel about him being on the computer on our day off instead of spending it together. We started to get in a quarrel that I picked with him. Then I realized, “Oh! What I really am wanting, because my back is hurting, is for Norman to rub my back! Oh! I wasn’t recognizing what I wanted and didn’t ask for it! I apologized to my husband and said, “What I really wanted was to have my back rubbed and when would you be available for that?” It was so brief – that drama!
What do you think is the relationship, if any, between your previous NDE interview with your flower and remembering to get out of drama?
I stay with myself rather than distancing from myself. My needs are closer to my awareness. The NDE interview helped me to realize, “Oh! This is drama! I don’t want it! I want to have what’s real for me!
May I ask Flower some questions?
Yes!
Flower, how are you today?
I’m excited!
Do you have any idea why Cheryl is catching herself quicker when she gets into drama?
Cheryl: I feel like I just got busted! I can’t get into the Flower right now.
Cheryl, is unable to get into you right now, Flower?
All of a sudden Cheryl got scared and got blank.
Cheryl: The focus on was me…All of a sudden I needed to be accountable?
Flower: Staying present! It’s missing for Cheryl! When I stay present it’s glorious!
Is there any reason why Cheryl should be afraid of staying present, Flower?
She’s being on guard of awful things. She has her life confused with “awful is about to happen” But awful doesn’t happen in her life! She needs to get a chance to experience without that kind of guard, that fear of harm. She really deserves a chance to live without that!
Do you live without that Flower?
Yes!
What’s that like for you?
As a flower I don’t wait for hurricanes to come. Sometimes they do, but it’s not a fearful thing.
What would you like to see Cheryl get out of our time together today, Flower?
Being less likely to lose me! To be less likely to lose her natural self! Cheryl doesn’t know that she is losing touch with her natural self until after the fact. There is some kind of gap in Cheryl that when there is emotion and need she kind of goes blank. She doesn’t recognize the emotion. She doesn’t go into her need. She is off on something else.
Flower, would it help if Cheryl named her feelings several times a day?
She thinks her feelings are awful!
So Cheryl, What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?
There is a force or energy against me. When I am walking or exercising I feel an energy against me. When I am in pain or constipated, it’s there. It’s a distraction going on.
There is something I feel I am not letting go of or holding back on but I don’t know what it is.
There is a slight lack of unity with self and others.
Which issue brings up the strongest feelings for you?
The Force that’s against me.
If those feelings had a color (or colors), what would it be?
Purple
Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.
Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What?
A square or box – three dimensional.
Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor? It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the shape that took form from your color and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind. If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering – that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!
Square, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?
I am right in front of Cheryl’s torso. I’m made of steel.
Why are you there?
I am not wanting to let her go forward. I thought that was the best thing for her. It’s better to keep quiet. You’re not supposed to say the things you have to say. You are not supposed to feel the pain and sadness that you feel.
What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?
I’m solid, sturdy, shiny. I can do anything! There aren’t any limits!
What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?
The lack of movement. I’m stuck!
What does that feel like for you to be stuck, Square?
Awful, like I’ll never get beyond being stuck.
She created you, right? What aspect of Cheryl do you represent or most closely personify?
Strength!
Square, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
I would be an owl.
Square, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?
I’m sitting, I’m patient, I’m wise. Silence is best. I’m hard to see. Not many people see me.
What do you think of that Square you were before, Owl?
Heavy! It weighs me down! I can’t fly with it! I couldn’t even try!
Do you think Cheryl needs that Square, Owl?
She thinks it protects her, but it doesn’t. It holds her back. She stays behind it, like a wall, staying separate from herself and what she’s here for.
How would her life be different without that Square, Owl?
Freedom! She would be doing what she’s here to do instead of other stuff! To help people with the light she saw when she was a baby! She knows how to transform what is in other people’s way of their life and health and well-being!
How did you manage to transform that Square into you, Owl?
I wasn’t afraid! I just did it!
(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)
Owl, how would you score yourself 0-10, in each of the following six qualities: confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, inner peace, and witnessing? Why?
Confidence: 10 I can do anything! I don’t have to be held back. I go with the flow. I am one with my nature.
Compassion: 10 Because I’m loving and patient! I love to observe.
Wisdom: 10 I am bright! I know stuff but not the mind stuff. I go by my nature. It’s already built in. I know how to get my needs met, I know how to fly and get food. Acceptance: 10 What else is there? (Smiling…) It’s just the way it is! I’m laughing at people that think it’s any different!
Inner Peace: 10 I feel very peaceful as owl! There’s nothing to not be peaceful about! Life is what life is!
Witnessing: 10 That’s exactly what I do! I just sit on my branch and witness!
How would Cheryl’s life be different if she naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?
She would be soaring with ease, going with the flow, pain free.
Where would that Square be?
History! She just wouldn’t need it because there is nothing to be afraid of! She kind of makes that up as a way to connect with people. That’s what she learned after she died and her brother grabbed her arm: connected to her brother and fear. It’s as if she doesn’t know how to live in the people world with others without that fear. It’s as if being with people and connecting with them requires that old fear. But it’s not a requirement!
If you could live Cheryl’s life for him, how would you live it differently?
I would stop pretending that emotion is required to connect with people. That leads her to drama. She thinks she doesn’t know how to connect without it. She doesn’t need to pretend that she needs the fear, anger, and pain to connect to people. It’s sneaky! She pretends that she doesn’t know the emotion is there but yet she’s acting on it!
If you could live Cheryl’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle Cheryl’s three life issues differently? If so, how?
There is a force or energy against me. When I am walking or exercising I feel an energy against me. When I am in pain or constipated. A distraction going on.
I would join the energy! She feels like it is against her but it is really the light energy inviting her to join it! It reminds her of when she is not one with it!
When she feels it blocking her, what do you recommend she do, Owl?
Join the light! Join the peace! Stop thinking she can have too much of a good thing!
There is something I feel I am not letting go of or holding back on but I don’t know what it is.
Cheryl is engaged in things that are petty when she really wants to be engaged in what really turns her on, what her passion is. She continues to still sit on her passion. Cheryl is holding back on her passion! Her life would be warm and worry-free with it. She would not have to be so organized! Not have to worry so much about the physical details – is the house clean? Are the dishes done?
There is a slight lack of unity with self and others.
She thinks that’s there. It’s not, really! She makes up things that are a problem but they really aren’t a problem. It’s just part of how it is, part of life!
What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of Cheryl’s life?
1. Love
2. Peace
3. Joy!
In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Cheryl to imagine that she is you and think, feel, and act as you would?
When she starts to get worked up! When negativity comes in – that this should be this way; when it’s not, she gets worried and afraid. If she became me at those times she would know when to just be and not to cultivate a mountain out of a molehill. She needs to just sit on the branch, like I do!
Owl, do you do drama? If not, why not?
I don’t do drama! Drama’s ridiculous! It doesn’t solve anything! It’s a waste of time! It’s so contrary to spirit!
What is your secret for staying out of drama?
Presence! Just being! Observing!
Why do you think that you are in Cheryl’s life?
To know she has a choice! She can at any moment she can pick presence instead of drama! At any moment she can be true to herself or abandon herself and get involved with drama!
How is Cheryl most likely to ignore what you are saying to her?
Be a brat! “I’m going to do it my way no matter what!” Her way is not always aligned with her own spirit!
What would you recommend that she do about that?
Stop self-destructing in that way! She just needs to know that going with the flow is OK! That she deserves to have this peace and freedom! She’s come this far…she might as well go all the way!
Cheryl, what have you heard yourself say?
Be yourself! Being something else or someone else is awful! It’s self destructive whether it lasts for a minute or five! It doesn’t serve me! I am seeing drops into water and how each ripples out. Even if it is for a second it still effects me afterward. I have a choice in what I want to reside in me. Instead of this stuff I get worked up in me I want the peace to reside in me, the peace, the fun, the happy-go-lucky in life!
If this experience were a wake-up call from the most central part of yourself, what do you think it would be saying to you?
Freedom! Freedom is mine! I am not locked behind that Square, that wall! That I’m already me and it’s a cinch to live accordingly!
Is there anything you want to take away from this interview to apply in your everyday life between now and the next time we talk?
Being the Owl and recognizing the difference between the owl and the square!
I could write that intention on a sticky note and carry it around!
I can name what I am feeling several times a day. Ask myself what I am feeling and name it periodically throughout the day. Am I happy, sad, scared, confused, angry, impatient, relaxed…what? Then to not have any judgement about the feeling – just naming it and moving on.
Read over this interview before going to sleep!
Notice that Cheryl’s steel Square, the energy that blocks her is actually a wake-up call from the same light that she had in her NDE. She is misperceiving it as a barrier when Owl says that “it is really the light energy inviting her to join it! It reminds her of when she is not one with it!”
Notice that Cheryl is making huge strides at recognizing when she is drama and choosing to get out of it. There can be no inner peace with drama; to eliminate drama it must be dealt with in the three realms: interpersonally and externally, in our thoughts and feelings, and in our night time dreams.
