Moving Out of the Shadow of Childhood Abuse

To live in the past is to be imprisoned by the drama of our scripting. To live in the future is to live in fear. The past and future have no reality except that we give them. The only place and time that exists is now. It is the only place we can feel alive, the only place where we have the power to live, love, and grow.


Pathfinder’s challenge is to trust who and what he is today. To do so he needs to get in touch with and listen to parts of himself that personify his unrecognized or unfulfilled potentials. As he does so, trusts them, and applies what they tell him, he will heal, balance, and transform his life.


Most of us have issues similar to Pathfinder: a crappy childhood, issues with the opposite sex, and loneliness. You can change these issues too. Let Pathfinder’s “Lady” speak to you


What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

Sexually abused by my mother

I’ve never been married. I’ve never made it work with a woman.

A sense of loneliness. I’m retired for two and a half years. I try to get out and do things and meet people. I’ve always felt lonely; I feel lonliner now that I’m not working.  I attend a group called “Survivors of Incest Ananymous” That’s important for me; I feel less lonely. I look forward to going to bed and dreaming. I dream deeply. I have some recurring dreams.


Tell me a dream you remember.  It can be an old one, a repetitive dream, a nightmare, or one that you’re sure you understand.

I dream I am someplace in the mountains. It was like a camp run by an Episcopal church. There are trails and a place to swim. I like being there. I think I’m a staff member. It’s like paradise. I feel fulfilled. One time there was a woman there I wanted to meet. They are all north of where I live – Western Maryland in the Alleghenies. These mountains are further north.

Why do you think that you had this dream?

It’s like a hope for the future, like wanting to b e… like a wish that I was living somewhere like that, having that sort of outdoors experience. I’m an outdoorsman; I like to hike.  I used to be an environmental educator.

If this dream were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee?

“High Place in the Heavens.”

These are the characters in the dream, beside yourself…

mountain, hiking trails, camp, staff, crew

If one character had something especially important to tell you, what would it be?



Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor?  It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are this or that character in your dream and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind.  If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering – that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!

Woman, are you a character in Pathfinder’s dream, yes?


Woman, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?


I’m a staff member at the camp. I live in a cabin. I see Pathfinder around. I’m shy of middle age, very good looking. I’m not married; maybe I’m divorced. I like to work with the children at the camp. I’m wearing dungarees and am out working. I’ve been here for a long time. I like my life.

What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?


I feel as if I’m good working with the children in outdoor educational sorts of things, taking them on hikes. I like to work on an individual basis also when they have problems. I like to do group exercises. I am sort of an outdoor person. I like being in this setting. I like the people. I have a strong ability to make friends and work well with the staff. I’m happy and cheerful most of the time. I can feel fulfilled; I’m excited by things and turned on by life as it comes to me.  I have black hair; I like to dress well and look good; I am a good leader.

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses?  What are they?

Nothing in particular.


Lady, you are in Pathfinder’s life experience, correct?  He created you, right?  Lady, what aspect of Pathfinder do you represent or most closely personify?

The thrill of being in the camp setting and working with kids. Having a love-filled life in the job and work I am doing. I am a positive feminine figure in his life.


Lady, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change?  If so, how?

I am perfectly at home where I am and with who I am.


(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)

(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing?  Why?

Confidence: 10

Compassion: 10

Wisdom:   9

Acceptance: 10

Inner Peace: 10

Witnessing: 10


How would Pathfinder’s life be different if he naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?


I would say he would be very fulfilled.

If you could live Pathfinder’s life for him, how would you live it differently?

I would get an association with a camp where I could work or be an advisor. I would work with the staff in training them about outdoor education and take the kids on outdoor trips. I’d be hiking a lot in the moutains. I would have a lot of friends there I could talk to and be close to. I would enjoy the beauty of the environment.  I would be happy to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day. I would look forward to meeting a woman and get a relationship going. I would feel terribly like myself, this is me, this is where I belong. This is


If you could live Pathfinders’s waking life for him today, would you handle her three life issues differently?  If so, how?

Sexually abused by my mother


I would handle it the same way; I would get therapy, go to Survivors of Incest Anonymous. I would somehow say goodbye to the issues. I would have a new life that was not dictated by my childhood trauma but rather based on who I am now.


I’ve never been married. I’ve never made it work with a woman.


I would try to get out and meet women. Not go out with the purpose of meeting them but enjoy things I enjoy; there may be woman there that enjoys the same things that is attracted to me. We get


A sense of loneliness. I’m retired for two and a half years. I try to get out and do things and meet people. I’ve always felt lonely; I feel lonelier now that I’m not working.  I attend a group called “Survivors of Incest Ananymous” That’s important for me; I feel less lonely. I look forward to going to bed and dreaming. I dream deeply. I have some recurring dreams.

I am never lonely. It feels really good.

What’s your secret for not being lonely, lady?

I had a good childhood; I’m friendly; I attract friends. I’m open to friendships and other people.  Pathfinder needs to get doing things that he enjoys with people he likes and to do it on a regular basis.  All week long or two or three times a week.  To feel like he belongs to that group.  He would feel accepted and liked.


What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his life?

1. Finding some sort of setting where I can have a lot of friends around. Fun and acceptance. I would follow my inclination to be in a place like that.

The difficulty with the relationships with women. Taking down the wall he feels.


In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Pathfinder to imagine that he is you and act as you would?

All the time! At home alone. When he starts to feel lonely!

Why do you think that you are in Pathfinder’s life?

I am the positive, feminine dream. I’m not weighted down with his distortion about females that he got from his mother.

How is Pathfinder most likely to ignore what you are saying to him?

By being overwhelmed and affected by this inner child that’s distorted and confused.


What would you recommend that he do about that?

I would tell him that what’s he’s believing is a falsehood based on what his mother did to him. He can fully feel close to women and be attracted to them and feel at ease and not like he’s going to be jumped on and have his boundaries invaded.

Why should he listen to you? You’re imaginary.

It would be good for his soul!

I think Pathfinder had this dream because

There’s a part of him that’s healthy that he only allows to come out in dreams.   I’m here to help him feel safe in his waking life as well as his dreams.  He’s trustworthy.

What have you heard yourself say?

I heard myself say that there’s a part of me that’s positive and alive. It wants a special relationship with a woman and wants me to be at a camp or a place where I can be in the out of doors and work with the kids on outdoor education trips and feel at home.


If this experience were a wake-up call from the most central part of who you are, what do you think it would be saying to you?

Wake up and be that which you can be!


Your homework is to find a way to work with kids outdoors.

I am looking into an organization called “Earth Scouts.” I am going to an organizational meeting on March 19th.


When you feel lonely become this woman.


Read over this interview before going to sleep at least three times a week.



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